Third man had to be squarer. Why was he not squarer?
“I told them. They aren’t listening! Why aren’t they listening? Hey, Guy At Long Off! Why isn’t third man squarer?”
“I know, it’s bullshit man. I told them.”
“It IS bullshit! I told them too! Why aren’t they listening??”
*shrugs*
“I tell you, man, I’m ready to quit if they’re not going to listen. Why am I even here?”
~~~~~~~~
The age old question. What’s the actual point of being there if they’re not going to listen?
Because the positioning of third man isn’t just the difference between winning and losing. It’s much more than that. It’s the key to everything.
Third man isn’t just the guy you banish to the farthest boundary because you can’t stand the sight of him. It’s that too of course. But more importantly it’s a catching position, a run saving position, a defender, an attacker, a queen, a bishop, a castle, a knight and not a lot of people know this but according to the Magna Carta it’s also 2,397th in the United Kingdom’s Royal Line of Succession.
I mean, take this game for example. If third man had been squarer, the pitch would have been greener. The bowlers would have bowled straighter and fuller. The two dropped catches would have stuck. All the big LBW appeals would have been given.
Not only that, but a square third man would have set off a chain reaction of deep backward point shifting to point, cover point moving to cover, cover moving to extra cover, the wicket keeper doing the Macarena and the highest scoring batsman getting caught on the midwicket boundary for 8.
The psychological toll the sight of a square third man would have taken on the next guy on strike would have led to the loss of his wicket, the ripple effect of which would have culminated in the collapse of not only the entire Kumeu innings but also Western civilisation as we know it.
Kumeu would have been all out for 32 instead of 204. Grafton would have won by ten wickets instead of two. Peace would have broken out in the Middle East, Covid would have vanished overnight, Trump would have conceded the US election on the spot, and The Shawshank Redemption would have taken a Christmas off.
Such is the awesome power of a well placed third man.
~~~~~~~~
That is, until the batsman gets that inevitable thick outside edge, the ball balloons back towards third man who comes in fast and hard giving it everything he’s got…
He dives spectacularly but he can’t take the catch or save the boundary.
I should have kept my mouth shut but I couldn’t help myself.
“I guess third man was too square?” *nervous laughter*
*Big theatrical shrug* “Nahh, that was just a good shot bro. He took a risk and it paid off…”
Kumeu 204 all out (Tazz Satti 86), Grafton 205/8 in reply
The Fox and the Crow 